Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Year, full speed ahead!

How in the world is 2011 over? I seriously can not believe it. How do I feel about that? Unsure. My heart aches…but yet I have high hopes for 2012. I cling to 2011 simply because it is the last calendar year I had my mom, but honestly she wasn’t herself. So I guess I kind of left her in 2010! One year ago tonight I was sitting in shoulder deep denial and hope up to my eyeballs on her couch praying her situation was just a bump in the road and that I would get to keep her for a long while yet. Hard to believe she didn’t even make it a month and a half after that! I have high hopes that with the new year new it will trigger a fresh start in me. I recognize the need to appreciate that I am living and have been blessed with so much! My kids are growing like weeds and they make me laugh and fill me with such love every day (& keep me teetering on a nervous break down). My husband is my best friend, my dad is priceless beyond words, and there are several more people who make my life what it is. I have been telling my dad that we need to think of the life we live as a book, and that we are now writing new chapters. It isn't that we erase the previous memories, or chapters, but we continue to fill the pages of our own life stories. We can fondly flip through the previous pages, and take what we have learned and use it to our advantage. So 2012, and this life without my mom, is a new chapter. I hope to make it one that someone would want to read!!! I have learned so many life lessons in 2011, I think a part of me was forced to grow up! I have a different view of things after all that has happened. As 2012 approaches I yearn for freedom from my hurt and grief. I chose a word last year to represent 2011, and it was progress. It was kind of a mushroom over all of the things I wished to improve upon. I simply wanted to make progress in my life. I think I did. It was hard with the mental stress, but maybe that even helped me progress. I am stronger, wiser, more grateful, and have a totally different temporal perspective. I would say that is progression in itself. This year my word is CULTIVATE. To me that means, all of the things I need have already been planted in my life, and that I need to help them grown. The definition of Cultivate is:
 to promote, prepare,  and improve the growth of (children, self, family)by labor and attention, nurturing and refining, education and training…perfect.
Not to mention it is a verb, which implies action. Action on my part. I hope the very best for all of you as this new year rings in! Here is to 2012, may it be the best chapter yet in all of our lives!!!

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