Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mothers Day. Just hearing the words "Mothers Day" has given me such mixed emotions this week! Of course I am thankful for the AMAZING blessings I have been given as a mother, but at the same time I struggled with my loss. I miss my mom more than words can say. There are moments where it hits me so hard that she is gone I truly feel like I can barely breathe, but she wouldn't want that. She wouldn't want to see me struggling so hard, and I know that. I can't hug her, I can't hear her voice, but I can FEEL her around me everyday. I know she shares in my daily joys and sees all that my kids are doing..I KNOW SHE DOES! It is so hard for me to grasp that in this life I will never smell her or hear her laugh or hear her gush over the littlest things the kids do, but I find strength in the knowledge that I WILL see her again, and that I have been blessed with so many memories of her that have now turned into priceless treasures. She really is woven so deeply into my family!! I had an amazing thing happen to me the night she died that has given me strength to make it through these months. Because of my experience I know without a doubt that she IS happy and free of all the pain and emotional struggles she faced in this life. So I know it is my OWN loss I face and that I need to keep walking forward with her memory snuggled closely to my heart.
I have been reminded several times in these last few months that I still have a mother here on Earth, my sweet mother in law. She has been there to show so much love and support to my family and I, and I don't think she will ever realize how much her efforts have meant to me. I want her to know that I SEE all she has been doing, and why she has, how grateful I am for her and how much we love her!!